But seriously, what do I want to do?

I want to achieve intellectual power. I want to translate that into financial power and social power.

I want to be someone who is well-known in the circles I respect. Not as an amusing character. Not a concerning wacko. But as a serious person, an critical thinker, a creative artist, a solid engineer, an adventurous scientist, a self-made man. Someone who led an undistinguished life for 45 or 50 years and flourished over the course of the next twenty or thirty.

I don’t want to lecture. I don’t want to teach or do TED Talks. I hadn’t considered a YouTube channel; a daily journal could actually be incredibly good for me. It would be embarrassing to document myself as I really am. Truly humiliating. It is not nearly as humiliating as it would be to stop making videos that show progress. It would indicate clearly where I gave up. Where I decided to settle. And the fact that it’s public, that it’s raw, even if nobody else watches it, that I know they could is absolutely mortifying.

I guess that’s somewhat similar to this blog.

Tear down the wall, right?

Just practice radical honesty.

I would like to be a part of conversations. A part of teams working on challenging problems. A contributor to science. I want to discuss ideas like real-world obstacles to artificial general intelligence, being fully conversant in all necessary details. I want to be able to read and visualize the equations in scientific papers. I want to build an ever-expanding web of knowledge that keeps abreast of all new developments and their implications.

I would like to be physically strong. I love the belief (from Plato?) that it is a sin to grow old without having experienced the beauty and power of one’s body. I have at times approached this. I would like to improve to the degree possible without causing further damage. I would like to run again, which means that I need to take very good care of my knees and hips. I need to work out multiple times a day, mostly very lightly, to minimize damage.

I would like to paint miniatures. I don’t know if I care about keeping them around. I might paint them and throw them out. I like making a little dude, I guess, something that tricks the eye a little bit, that makes something fantastic real. I think that’s why I’m so impressed with people who get skin really well, or who use colors in imaginative and shocking ways, etc.

Some of the areas that attract my interest are artificial intelligence, artificial life, psychedelics, culture and religion and history, ethics and aesthetics, language, biology… maybe any subject that is of a higher tier of abstraction than geology, perhaps. I don’t have a substantial amount of interest in physics or chemistry or astronomy.

I want to be informed generally. Movies, music, science, culture. I want to be a breezy conversationalist. I want to ask people their opinions about things, and watch how they react, and learn from that. I want to understand people across the spectra of humanity. And people like talking about themselves. They also clearly indicate to me their degree of openness to me by doing so.

I want to be the one in charge in an interview. Any interview. I will find answers to my questions, and I will answer yours if it suits my purposes. I don’t intend to be blown off again. That doesn’t mean randomly spraying applications; it means process and precision and investment. This doesn’t mean coldness or meanness, but cordiality at worst and genuine warmth at best.

Always be looking for a job, never accepting an offer. Stay sharp, evolve, learn what they’re looking for, learn where their shortcomings are, learn the contradictions present in the organization, learn the issues with the process and exploit them ruthlessly. Always leave them wanting more. I have no reason to move, yet.

Learn a musical instrument. Maybe one we’ve tried already. Develop a new relationship with the instrument. Play first, music second. Let curiosity about technique guide learning. Don’t think in terms of notation but the sounds and the feelings. Practice daily, but without a plan.

Be fresh and sharp, like a man half my age… those with whom I’m competing. Use my wisdom. Use my patience. Use my breadth and depth. Dress better. Get better haircuts. Bathe more carefully. Brush my teeth better.

Instead of reading one book at a time, read twenty. A little of each a day. Perhaps a paragraph or two, or until you find something worth pondering. Let that go to the background. Next book, learn something, explain or describe or relate it. Repeat.